I Still Want You Back

Pride.
The reason why happiness is tampered.

After this ego of mine has been satisfied, I came to my senses. I am wrong. I am badly hurt. And this is not my longtime happiness. Just a temporary one.
It's been a couple of years since we broke up, and I still haven't moved on. Wounds are still fresh. Mourning at nights. And breathing keeps on getting harder and harder as days pass by without you.

I know that this was my request. This was my wish. And all of my hurtful words are still fresh in my memory. I said we had to break up because there were no spark anymore. I can't find you attractive anymore. That every action you made irritates me to the point of harming you physically. I might be confused on what I really wanted. You may say I'm at lost. I gave up on us.

It was already suppose to be the next step of having a future together but I walked on a different path from you. We weren't on the same page anymore. I kept on pushing you away. I kept on saying that we should find happiness separately. That I need space. I never felt the pain when I said these words. I never felt more happy and free at this time. But you still insisted that you will be there for me whenever I needed you. That you will stay by my side even though I'm going to love another guy. That even though I'll get pregnant and the father will leave me, you'll replace on his behalf. I believed in it.

So I went on with my life without you. I let you see how easy for me to move on. That I've forgotten all about you. I flirt. I see other men. I go out at nights. I can do things on my own without asking any of your help. I made it clear for you that I am no longer dependent on you. I can now survive on my own. I made you see that I am happy and that I was never hurt from our break-up. I've ignored your advices and requests. Worked my ass off and made myself busy like I have forgotten all about you and I have no time to think about you.

Whenever I ran out of friends to ran unto, I kept on turning back for you. I search for you. I share you my thoughts and feelings. I long for you whenever I felt loneliness. And you did not hesitate on ignoring me. You answered my plea.

Until one day, you disappeared. Vanish. Without leaving any information on what happened or even leaving an explanation. None. It's been bugging me. I cannot go out properly with my friends because the thought of you pops in my head for no reason. I woke up every morning with a pain in my chest as if there's something missing. But I still go on with my day. Before I went to sleep at night, I wondered what you're doing at that very moment. You were the first and last thing on my mind everyday. I still haven't made peace with my thoughts about you. My questions about you were left unanswered. Have I done something wrong? I thought he wouldn't leave my side?

I came to my senses. I realized your worth in my life. Everyday felt like dying. It's killing me and it was not healthy for me. Waking up every morning with a pain in the chest. Crying myself at night and regret things. Everyday. Over and over again. Passing by to our dating spots. Hearing our song playing. Waiting for you to climb up my window again because I felt lonely.

So I tried to look for all ways possible to contact you. To see you. To hear your voice. But I can't. I tried to look at your social site and saw that you have moved on with your life. You're happy without me. So I tried my best to forget all about it and move on with my life too.

I got stuck to your words before. That you will always be there whenever somebody hurts me. I got stuck with false hope, hope of having you as a back up. My option when things fail. It made me realized that you were never an option from the start. It's all about my pride. My pride telling me that I should not be together with you again because of a stupid little mistake you made. I tried to be patient. I tried to wait for that day to come that you will one day get me back, but it never happened. Having hopes destroy me. It hurts more hoping for something that will never happen. I should have just hoped for a new man instead of you getting me back.

I broke down. Became a psychopath. Stalked you. Called you a million of times. Flooded you with messages. You ignored me. You managed to ignore me and not reply to my demands anymore. It led me no choice but blackmailed you. Told you that I'm gonna kill myself if you wouldn't answer me. And after a couple of minutes, you answered. It rejoiced my inner soul to hear your voice again. But something was off. I can feel that you were annoyed when I called. You weren't happy. I asked questions. Questions that have been bothering my thoughts throughout the day, everyday. You answered them. They weren't the words I wanna hear. Lastly, I asked if you were given a chance to have a wish granted by me, what would it be. You said that you wanted me back but you were already too tired to give it another chance just because you saw me with a guy whom you thought fancies me. I made things clear for you. You concluded without asking me. Isn't this pride again? Hindering you to do what you really wanted to do. And we went back from the very start. Start as friends.

That's our level at this very moment as I typed this blog.

But I just realized something. Things are different. They are not the same as before. I can feel that you don't show efforts anymore. Or is this just you getting old? No. You really changed. The guy I met before can predict that whenever I needed him, he will rush over without having any second thoughts. Now, even though we are just 2 cars away, you don't even wave a hand or catch my attention that you were just there, watching me. You now prefer to talk with your grandma than exchange conversation with me. You don't wake up early to go jog with me anymore. It hurts knowing the fact that I am not your everything anymore. That you can sleep soundly without a message from me while I still wait for a reply until it'll already be way past my bedtime.

Things changed.
Or is this just me overthinking stuffs?

I am going to make a decision at this very moment. I am going to continue my goals before I met you. I am going to live life as if you don't mean anything to me anymore. I am going to make myself busier than ever.

Pride is no longer involve in the matter. You may call it revenge or any adjective that suits to describe the situation. I don't care. I will try to be crazy for you. To let you get used to receive my messages everyday and feel me.

I have learned to treasure the people who loved me. I will try my very best not to push them away anymore. Starting with the next guy I'm going to meet. A guy who's already working and just 30 minutes away from me. Long distance relationship still doesn't work for me. I still cannot picture out a future with someone far away from me. I no longer trust men as of this moment. No exemptions.

Happiness: You Cannot Have It All

 

 

Open up your very own business. Buy a house with a maid's quarter, and if possible, pool. Buy a luxurious sportscar with the speed that reaches your heart with content. A dog who is always waiting for you on the doorstep as you go down to your vehicle.

That's the dream.

Until one day, a guy walked in my life. Yes, he is perfect. He is everything you wanted. But one problem: he's far away from the dream in life. They're both far from each other. Cannot be attained together.

Which would you prefer? A perfect lifestyle? Or the perfect partner?

Let's compare the perks of both sides.

The dream.
It's the perfect lifestyle. You can go to restaurants, treat your family with your own money. You can cruise anywhere you want. But of course, gas is the limit. You have your very own home theater, your very own game center with the latest game consoles which all men craved for. You have a loyal friend to be there whenever you needed him. He can be with you when you go to sleep, when you eat, when you want to go out and exercise. Go travel the world. Plus unlimited shopping. Perfect. But the difference is...you have no one to share it with. Yes, you may share your wealth to your parents, your friends. But having a significant other is different. What's the point of it all if it feels lonely? Empty? Incomplete?

The guy.
The perfect significant other. He has the looks. He is very caring. He is as sweet as your favorite chocolate. He is as loyal as your bestfriend in life (like a loyal friendly dog who's been with you since birth). He is as friendly as your bff. He knows how to treat you like a princess. Make you feel safe, feel warm, feel loved. He knows how to make you laugh in every way. And yes, he knows how to make you feel sad, mad and even make you cry. He seriously knows how to make you feel good. He knows you physically from head to toe. But of course, there are times that the man you wanted has his own wants. His own happiness. There are times that he will forget about you and have enjoyed his company with friends. There are times that he will be blinded by the excitement to be with his friends that he might leave you all alone at the airport with a heavy burden because you just came out from a parent's quarrel. There are times that he wants you all to himself but he doesn't belong to you wholly. But that's not a problem when you are in love. No. The BIG problem is different from those. He live very far away from you. It's like you are both at the different ends of the earth where physical communication is impossible. It breaks your heart knowing that he is beyond your reach. Cannot fill in to each other's emptiness, happiness and experience together.

How will this be solved? Will it be the perfect dream and follow the saying, "There are other fishes in the  sea"? Or will it be with the perfect guy, sacrifice the dream life and be content on a simple one?

What will it be then?
The dream life?
Or the dream guy?


A reply would be much of a help. Thank you.

Long Distance Relationship

He fetched her at the airport. She only have a day left to be with her guy. They're both inside the car, holding hands, spending every minute as if it's their last. They arrived at his house. Dropped all things on hand and held on each other's arms. Gave a passionate kiss. His arms slowly holding her waist. Her arms around his neck. And the day ended.




 

You have someone you loved. You can't picture out life without him. But due to circumstances, you have to go far away from him. So far that you both live on the opposite ends of the earth. And that's how long distance relationships start.

As we all know, long distance relationships never last. There are too many rules to follow in order for it to work. Living in the 21st century, there are too many temptations, too many bad influence around you. How can the one suffice the needs of the other one? Only trust and patience can truly make things work out.


If you are in a long distance relationship, try to avoid the following:

Lose communication

When both cannot communicate by their usual time, there is a possibility that the relationship is drifting away. That feeling when you have nothing to tell to the other person anymore. When talking or sending a message to the one you love doesn't excite you anymore or it feels annoying already. Try to share the things you have done for the day. Try to explore things and share it to the other person. Never give in to let one feel like there is nothing to talk about anymore. But make sure too that the topics you try to open up is a topic which the other person can also enjoy.

Suspicion

There are no rooms for suspicion in a long distance relationship. Learn to trust your partner whole heartedly. A single suspicion will break the bond you have for each other and it is a beginning of the end if you start to suspect your partner.

Settle for a temporary replacement

One of the mistakes that a distance relationship couple often make is to settle for a temporary replacement when their partner is not physical around Third parties, even though unintentionally, can break the mutual trust and agreement that you make.






But of course, there are also perks on having a long distance relationship. Having a LDR will make you realize how you love each other's company, how you wanted to be on each other's arms again, how incomplete life will be without the other. But despites these things, the negative traits still prevails in real life.

Think before deciding on staying on a long distance relationship.

Samsung Galaxy S4 Coming Soon

Samsung Corporation, the Korea's giant when it comes to smartphone manufacturing, is going to launch it's new star for the year 2013 called, "Samsung Galaxy S4." Invitations to fwitness the new galaxy is spreading like wildfire in New York City. The new star will be unveiled on 14th of March this year where a lots of fans are waiting. The question is, will it surpass its predecessors in fame and profit while facing the flagship of Apple iPhone 5?

Specs about Samsung Galaxy S4 has spread in the internet and critics are not happy about it. The new Galaxy will have its full HD screen but no AMOLED. Samsung's AMOLED rechnology is one of the best specs of galaxy and S4 doesn't have it. The AMOLED technology assures he critics that the new S4 screen is flexible. Another specs that raised the eyebrows of the critics is its processor. The new S4  will not have the custom processor used by other Galaxies. Instead, S4 uses Qualcomm processor. The Qualcomm processor is a fast-speed processor yet it have issues in overheating which is why people aren't happy.

There may have been good and bad news, we can't  deny the fact that it is exciting to know that there's a new Galaxy to be released. Samsung Corporation had been leaping over Apple and they had already overtaken Apple as the top leading manufacturer of smartphones.

All we can do now is to wait and of course, hope that this new flagship of Samsung will be of good use to its consumers.

Die Hard 5 Movie

It has been a while since Bruce Willis appeared in a thrilling action movie.

 Today, Bruce Willis rocks the movie seats as he star as the NYPD cop John McClane who traveled to Russia to help his son Jack McClane - unaware that his son is one of the top CIA agents covering for CIA in a Russian weapon mobs. The story started as the Russian convict Komarov was about to put in trial together with Jack McClane who is covering as a witness to Komarov's trial. A group of Russian mobs, blew the courthouse and Jack together with Komarov tried to escape the Russian mobs. With the help of his father, John McClane, they escaped the Russian mobs into a safe house where another CIA agent are waiting. Offering freedom in exchange for an evidence, Komarov accepted the offer in exchange for a safe trip away from Russia with his daughter. Before they could go away safe, a group of Russian mob attacked the safe house and killed the other CIA agent. John, Jack and Komarov escaped and went to a place where Komarov will meet his daughter but looks like Komarov's daughter betrayed his father for money which makes the story into a chaotic mess. John and Jack escaped with a very thrilling action against an Apache helicopter bombarding them with Gatling guns. Komarov together with his daughter went to a laboratory where the evidence were kept but to our surprise, Komarov plans it all. He used the CIA as well as his enemy Russian official to get him out of prison and went back to the laboratory where the dangerous weapons were hidden. Together with his daughter, Komarov gathered all the weapons but to their surprise the father and son tandem came in and destroyed their plan. With action scenes and thrilling explosions, Jack killed Komarov and because of this his daughter in a suicidal attempt to kill John and Jack, she crashed the helicopter in the laboratory. Jack and John escaped and went back to the United States.

This new movie of Bruce Willis, the sequel of the famous Die Hard is a little bit different, I assure you that it is better to watch it in movie.

Now showing in cinemas. Go see it!

Duka Bay Resort

The sun is about to rise. The wind blew towards your face as you hear the waves going to shore. You feel the sand as you walk. Pleasant. Peaceful. Refreshing. And that is why I love the beach especially early in the morning.

I dreamed of going to the beach with the one I love. Stay for a night while I enjoy the view of the balcony from the cottage, have dinner date as we taste new delicacies at the same time. And one of the romantic things to do at the beach is to stroll by the shore as me and my lover walk hand in hand. Too bad I don't have a special someone yet and Valentines day has ended.

Duka Bay Resort, having a breathtaking view of the bay and the view of the Island of Camiguin. Duka Bay is one the cleanest Beach Resort in Mindanao, Philippines. Duka Bay provides sports buffs like scuba diving, kayaks and more. Not only they are for people who loves marine entertainment but this can also be a good place for couples. It has an open-air restaurant that serves delicious local and foreign cruisines that one loves. Duka Bay gives fully furnished cottages with a wonderful view. A cottage has been provided especially to people who wishes to extend their stay.

For my sake, visit Duka Bay Resort on my behalf and enjoy the scenery that they offer while you still can with your lover or even friends.

At Midnight

My alarm clock rang at 5:30 in the morning. Rose from the bed and wash my face. Cook breakfast good for two and when the it's already 6am, I would go for a jog. At 7 in the morning, I would drive my Honda car to school. Attend class. Do the assignments. Go home to eat for lunch. Then back to school at 5 in the afternoon for Tax and Law subjects. After class, either go to SM for dinner or any fastfood chain that is far away from school.

Yes, this is my everyday routine and it never changed. I have everything. Money, gadgets, house, car. I've got no complains and wants anymore with life except to graduate. Until one day, while I got this problem about my phone and made a fuss over it in the internet, a stranger answered it for me. Soon, he became my friend and became an addition to my daily routine at night. We crack jokes, share what's running in our minds and what we were doing.

One midnight, after I watched a movie that I downloaded illegally, he invited me for dinner. At midnight. Of course, a person who is self-conscious about her body, would not eat after 9pm. He said that he just finished playing basketball with his friends and ask whether I would like to just accompany or 'watch' him eat. Without having any second thoughts I accepted. He went to my place to get me with his SUV Ford and then we went to McDonalds. We chatted while he eats and little did I know that it's already 4:30am and I still have class. He returned me home and bade our good byes.

For the first time in my college life, my schedule was destroyed due to lack of sleep and for not being on time. Even though my schedule became hectic at that time, it was still worth the thrill. Breaking my rules, not being my usual 'too-goody-two-shoe' girl was exciting that I was looking forward to our next meeting.

One night, he invited me again for a stroll under the moonlight. I agreed. So we went to the beach. The wind blew strong towards my face. Waves clashing. At midnight. We sat down facing the waves. He brought his guitar and played a song. He shared a very personal story which touched my heart so I played a song for him too. It was embarrassing! For I was only a beginner and he was a pro, to my eyes I mean. As he played another song, I kissed him without thinking. Yes. He got shocked. I was shock too for having no reasons in doing such act. He smiled. Puts down the guitar. Went closer. And kissed me. As his lips touched mine, thoughts had been running in my mind. Is it ok to kiss a stranger like this?! What are we doing? We don't know each other yet. But I enjoyed it until my mind became blank.

The next day, I barely listened to the teacher discussing the lesson. I was daydreaming all day that I didn't notice that we are going to have a quiz after discussion. Since I read in advance before the class starts, I passed the quiz. But the thought of just passing is not in my vocabulary.

After class at 8:30pm, he invited me for dinner and a movie. I excitedly accepted. As I was going home to return my car, my best friend appeared in front of my house. She said that we are going shopping. Suspicious. She never ever wants to spend a single cent of her money in anything. So I accompanied her to look for a dress until the clock strikes 9pm. I got a few texts and a couple of missed calls. It was from him. I gave an explanation that I might not make it on time for dinner and movie. He told me that it's ok as long I was having fun. I wasn't. To make me feel better, he told me that we'll hang out after helping my best friend. I was glad for he was not mad. As I went home with my best friend, I saw that there's somebody inside my house. It was my ex-lover. He asked my best friend to make me busy as he was preparing for a surprise inside my house. Yes, he has a key to my house and I totally forgot to get it after we broke up. I was mad, furious. Not only to my ex-lover, but also to my best friend for helping him to get together with me. He made a mistake. People should move on. I did. Bust I guess he didn't. I went outside to get some fresh air for I was boiling. My best friend ran after me. I told her to go away. She has no rights to help and butt in with my life. She thought that I haven't move on because I was too lifeless at school and at home. She's wrong. I was already content with what I was doing. She never dared to ask me if I have problems in order for me to explain everything to her that I am ok. My best friend went back home. My ex was running towards me. Kneeling to give him a second change. Begging, crying for my forgiveness. Yes, I pitied him. He can be my friend I said, but never a lover again. He cried. placed his face on my lap.

It was already midnight. Then he saw us. I was speechless. I pushed my ex away and cried my heart out. I was hurt for what he did. I was hurt for I was afraid that what he saw will be the reason for us not to see each other anymore. I ran away as fast as I can. Then I saw my stranger walking towards me. He smiled. Patted my back. Told me to stop crying. He played the song that made me kiss him. I gave out a smile.

After two days, he wants to meet up at 8 in the evening. He said it is something important. I was a bit scared because I do not know what's running inside his mind for the past days. As we met, we just stayed inside his car. He asked if I've got something to tell him. I have nothing in mind. I have nothing to say. There's nothing interesting about my days. So I don't know what to say to him that he needs to know. He told me that my ex-lover talked to him and said to leave me alone. I don't know the details but all I know is that he agreed to what my ex-lover has to say. Then after we met, he messaged me 'good night' for the first time at midnight.

After that incident, we never communicated anymore. He left me hanging. I don't know what to do. My  days became lonely. I maybe alone before, but I never was lonely. Now I feel lonely, depressed. So I got no choice but talked with my ex-lover, scolded him and I want him to vanish forever. Isn't he satisfied that he already ruined my life? I cannot have new guys in my life.

In the end, I went back to my ex-lover. Yes, I need substitute to forget about him.

2 years had passed an I may haven't forgotten about him but I have moved on from him. I am also no longer together with my ex. The only lesson that I want to share to the readers is that enjoy life to the fullest. Do crazy things if you wanted as long as you are happy with it. Live life to the fullest. You may have regretted but at least you have learned something from it.